In the first post I talk about how Dr. Oz stated that each person's body changes every 7 years on a cellular level, leaving each of us as an entirely different person. I talk about how I struggled in my different body with Fibromyalgia and what I now had to do when faced with my body being different- learn how to deal with the changes and discover myself all over again.
In the second post I talk about having to grieve my losses, letting myself feel all the negative emotions, and let the losses go so that my heart could have emotional freedom and the space to discover myself.
In the third post I describe a process I went through in how I decided to do something scary and face my fears, not letting them take over my life. This took courage, but it changed my life and let me teach my son Reilly about being brave like his name describes.
In this post I will walk through some of how I have had to recalibrate my thinking. I talk about some of this already in my post on the New Normal. I described how I struggled with coming to terms in having Fibro because of it being nebulous, relatively unknown, and invisible.
Some days were ok, and some days I was irritable and depressed. I go on to talk about an attitude adjustment I've had to make in my thinking about Fibro as I had to think of where I am at now as the new normal, and learn to be ok with it.
After living with that attitude adjustment for a while I realized that I still had some thought adjustments to make, and came to a startling conclusion that was almost a revelation.
Have you ever had your brain tell you something, and you just ignored it and kept going about your day? Or, after your brain told you something, you said, "No way, Brain!!" and rejected that thought? Or, it tells you something and you laugh about it, thinking your brain is just being funny? And your brain says, "No, I'm really serious!"
Or, it could just be me...
Anyway, what my brain was telling me now was this:
Rather than focusing so much on what I had lost through Fibromyalgia, I needed to see what I had gained.
Wait, what??!?!?
Surely my brain was just being funny, right?!?
Nope... not being funny.
So... here I am with this thing my brain is telling me. I didn't really want to think about it. However, while I really just want to ignore it (or reject it outright), I let it sit there. I realize that I already know my brain has a point.
All this time I've been thinking about all the negatives of Fibromyalgia. And when you focus on the negatives a lot, well, it's kind of a negative way to live. I also have been completely ignoring anything good that I might have gained (aka, looking for the silver lining).
So, I start thinking about it. And thinking. And more thinking (I think a lot, if you haven't picked that up by now!).
I think about how I was before I struggled with Fibromyalgia, and how I am now.
I have far more compassion now. Not that I didn't have any before, but I just didn't let myself think all that much about how difficult it must be for those that really struggled with illnesses, conditions, and diseases. Those that struggled with deeper emotions and inner conflict didn't move me deeply, I just was sad for them and that they were going through a difficult time. Now, it gives me pause. Now, I know how hard these kinds of things can be and hope they are able to work through it and get help if they need it. Now, I have a welling up of emotions when I think about everything they are going through. Compassion is part of the underlying reason I started this blog.
My priorities have shifted. Before, I did whatever I felt like doing and needed doing. Now I only have energy for a certain number of things throughout the day, so I do what I can to balance the needs of my family with being able to get enough rest for myself. I can only do one or two regular activities (like community groups or bible studies) a week so I need to make sure they are the best things for me to do each semester. This has simplified my life and helped me to focus on what's really important.
I think about the things I thought about before, and what I think about now. Before I looked externally to shape my internal world. Now I look internally to shape my external world. Before I was concerned about what other people would think about me. Now I'm more concerned with doing/saying what I think/believe is right.
I think about what I did before and what I do now. Before I had the energy to have everything clean the way I wanted it, organized, and have everything exactly where I wanted it. When I was a teen it would drive me crazy anytime someone changed something of mine, or got into my things. In college it would bug me anytime someone wanted to borrow something because I had my things exactly the way I wanted them (I still did it, but I didn't like it).
Now I don't have the energy to get everything clean and organized, or have the energy to care that it isn't done. I know if I had kids without having had to make shifts in my priorities and in what I do, I would have driven them crazy with trying to meet my idealist perfectionism. Now, I do what I have to do but I'm more focused on spending time with my husband and boys, and taking care of myself, rather than driving myself (and everyone else) crazy trying to get everything done the way I would rather have it.
This only scratches the surface of the ways my thinking has had to be recalibrated. It took some time in doing this but it was worth it. I now know I'm personally in a much better place as a result of having Fibromyalgia for these reasons I mention and more.
My brain really had something there when it told me I needed to change how I was thinking.
It's possible it wasn't just my brain but God speaking to me in a way I would hear it. Either way, recalibrating my thinking has helped me enormously! There are other shifts in how I've been thinking about things that I've realized and discovered which I will relate in my next post.
Read Strength From Within, Part 5: Reaffirming My Faith
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