On the face of it, this really seems like a stupid question. Do I wonder what it would be like to not live with pain 24/7, to be able to more easily think and create, or freely do things as a normal person rather than wondering if I will collapse in exhaustion when returning home? Hmmm.. let me think about this... YES! A thousand times, yes. Several times a day, and sometimes even more.
However, the flip side to this question is, "Have you learned to be content despite having Fibro?" Or really, "Have you made peace with the fact that your life will never be normal?"
Ouch.
Seriously... ouch.
And yet... hmm.... it makes me pause and think and wonder.
So, today, after a conversation with a friend on how we respond to life, I was listening to a song called Unstoppable by Sia as I drove several hours home. It talks in the chorus about being unstoppable and confident... at least on the outside. I don't know why this combination sparked a whole bunch of ideas about what I've learned about life, particularly as a result of having Fibro, but let me tell you, the brain cells were pinging. I just let those guys run their course when they are on a roll.
So... in no particular order... here's what I've learned....
1. Some things are universal to every person on earth. Love and pain are two of them. We all long for and experience love of some kind, and we all experience pain, whether it's physical, mental, or emotional. These are things we can connect to when we talk to anyone we encounter. This should allow us to treat everyone better as a result because under our obvious externals lies hearts that desire similar things.
2. Everyone protects themselves in different ways. Protecting ourselves is natural when we are hurting. Some withdraw into silence, some become more aggressive, and others lose themselves in various escapism's. This is natural and neither a good thing, nor a bad thing. It just is. However, we may find that our self protection actually hurts us in the end if we linger in it too long.
3. Love is never the wrong decision, and opening yourself up to love people is never wrong. When you are hurting it's easy... soooo easy... to withdraw and hide, but it is far, far braver to extend your arms to your loved ones and show that love. There may be a chance you are hurt, but the benefit of giving and receiving love far outweighs the hurt.
4. The world would be a better place if everyone responded to and treated those around us with care and compassion. I'm willing to bet everyone has experienced the reverse at least once in our lives. It's hurtful to be treated unkindly. When you are already hurting, to be treated roughly (whether verbal or physical or through indifference) and without compassion is like salt in a wound. Likewise those of us that hurt need to remember that not everyone understands what we have experienced, and that lack is not license to treat those around us poorly.
5. Insecurity is a state of mind. It really is. Often when we feel insecure it's because we are believing that we are not enough in some way. We aren't good enough, smart enough, strong enough, well enough, pretty/handsome enough.... it's really awful and can lead to terrible life choices and places if we let those feelings lead. The good news on this is that any state of mind and belief is changeable if we want it enough and take the time to change our thinking. True confidence begins there and works its way outward.
6. Life is not fair, nor is it meant to be. I have heard "this isn't fair" from many people in my life. I have spoken it myself. I had a Bible study at one point a few years ago where the speaker stated that life was not meant to be fair since sin entered the world, and that God is not a God of fairness, but of righteousness, justice, peace and a whole host of other things. Since then I have thought long and hard about that. It's natural to think things are not right. My body doesn't work as "normal," so by all rights that humans claim, this situation isn't fair. Well, it's really not, but as that lady said, neither was it meant to be. It's a result of this world not being perfect. It's a result of stress and disease and brokenness being introduced to it. So, while it's not fair and was never meant to be, neither does it need to be a horrible, mean existence. Which leads me to my next thought.
7. Everyone has agency. This also means that we always have choice. You are responsible for the choices you make, to act or not to act. When things happen to us, we have the choice as to how we respond. Remaining motionless and refusing to choose is actually still a choice. For this reason, you are only a victim if you choose to be. (But really, don't go that path. It's a wretched existence for yourself and those around you.) Instead, choose more.
8. Life is a choice. As we all have agency, we all have a choice, and none so much as to how we each decide to move through this world. When we're in pain it's easy to just survive. Sometimes it's all we can do. And yet, there are times when we have gotten so used to surviving that when the time comes that things could change, we forget that there are other options, either through habit, ignorance, or the weight of other's opinions. However, never forget that life is a choice. You can choose to merely survive or you can choose to live. You can choose to thrive.
And that, really is the culmination of what I have learned from having Fibro: I choose. I choose my attitude in how I greet the day at hand, I choose my actions towards others, and I choose whether to learn and grow stronger or wallow and grow weaker. My physical strength is separate from my strength of will, mind, and heart. While one may grow weaker, the rest can strengthen and pick up the difference.
Now, this all doesn't mean I have it all figured out. (Shhh! Stop those snickers, you...) There are times I forget all of this that I learned and just wallow in a pity party for myself. But, because I have learned all of this, I know I can't linger there and I pick myself up and keep going, putting one step in front of the other.
For my boys, for my husband, and for myself.
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